Top Five Friday #3
Top Five Friday #3
-Worst Superhero Movie Scenes Ever-
-Worst Superhero Movie Scenes Ever-
This is a tough list to make. Not merely because you have to narrow down the top five worst comic book scenes of all time, which is in itself a difficult task. Honestly, Hollywood has had a very bad record adapting graphic novels to the big screen and only recently have started to get them right. However, even with some of the better adaptions, such as X-Men, for example, you have such moments as Halle Berry's Storm "What happens when a toad gets struck by lightning?" line, which my dad and I both saw the other night for my birthday and laughed at what I'm sure was supposed to be a pretty awesome moment for Storm. That moment narrowly didn't make the list, but it's up against some pretty awful competition. You not only have to narrow down the list, but you have to remember and watch some of these scenes again, which is excruciatingly painful.
Imagine being set on fire while somebody simultaneously punches you in the face and simultaneously douses you with acid while simultaneously shooting you in the knee caps and at the same time, has your significant other break up with you while your boss fires you while shoving you into a lake full of boiling lava filled with special lava-resistant piranha. Watching some of these scenes is, honestly, I think more painful.
Now, I've tried to focus on some of the more prominent adaptations of superheroes on the list, because it would be easy to mock Nick Fury, Steel, or Supergirl, but let's focus on some of the bigger names and modern adaptations in which they have just completely made me want to slam my hand into a car door or something similar just to give my body some other amount of pain to focus onto.
Note of course, that this is just a top five list. These are for me, my least favorite scenes in superhero movies. Many of these movies, I will either fast forward past this scene or probably am unable to watch the films any longer. I'm sure that after I write this list, I'll end up talking about the blog with somebody and realize that there are other far more deserving moments on the list, but after a lot of thought, I'm wondering whether this is a good idea after all. I mean, just thinking about some of these scenes have me so angry. Angry enough to turn into Hulk, which makes me think of Ang Lee's interpretation, which makes me think about Hulk poodles and his dad becoming Absorbing Man or the entire ending sequence or....deep breathes, Richard. Deep breathes. While I go find a stress ball or something, here for your consideration:
5. X-Men 3: The Last Stand (2006) Cyclops Killed Off Screen
To be perfectly candid, I almost didn't include this scene simply because it never happens actually. When Bryan Singer left the X-Men franchise to go direct Superman Returns after his admittedly fantastic work on the first two installments, he forever altered (read: killed) the directions of two promising franchises. By handling the reins of direction over to Brett Ratner (a man we both know can't finish a trilogy - Rush Hour 3 is one of the worst movies I've ever had the unfortunate "privilege" of watching and in theaters no less. I don't blame my brother though who dragged us to go see it - he couldn't have known. Nobody could've). The fact that Brett Ratner was given control of the franchise was a troubling sign to say the least. Producers were also upset at James Marden, the actor who played Cyclops, for signing on to play a role in Bryan Singer's superman. The whole scene plays out like revenge, but the real ones who suffered were the audience. A very popular character from the first two films, one of the original X-Men, the leader of the group and one of the main characters, is killed OFF-SCREEN. You read that right. He wasn't even given the dignity of an on-screen death, never mind the fact that his death in the film makes absolutely NO sense.
After Scott and Jean share a passionate, "last" moment together, Xavier apparently senses a great disturbance in the force and sends Logan & Ororo out to the lake. There, they find Jean Grey, Scott's glasses and no body to put them on. Logan doesn't mention this to anybody else apparently and instead, just confronts Jean about them later as she is apparently very stressed about it and the glasses disintegrate in Logan's hand in what I'm guessing is a not so subtle hint about what happened to Cyclops. Even worse, nobody seems to care. I certainly did, and one of the only reasons I continued with the film was to see whether it could redeem itself (it didn't) and whether Cyclops was somehow still alive. I even stayed after the credits to see whether they would reveal Cyclops being alive and if they had, I might've been able to forgive the rest of the film. However, Cyclops was never seen again in the X-Men film franchise and like Cyclops, the franchise died a sad, inglorious death. However, in a sign of eternal optimism and/or stupidity (I really thought that Cyclops would be back), I'm still hoping for X-Men 4....
4. Spiderman 3 (2007) - Emo Dancing.
The black symbiote is one of the most famous storylines in comic books as is the character Venom, but somehow, when it came to film, it translated into this scene of Peter Parker emo dancing on the streets of New York City. I don't exactly know what emo dancing is, but calling this emo dancing is probably an insult to the term. The symbiote is an alien lifeform, one which causes your inner desires and emotions to emerge in increasingly dangerous and hateful ways. I can only imagine that the film makers hated the audience and wanted to punish them in some way. Pay special attention (if you can make it through the clip) right near the end, at about :46 seconds as Peter gets down with his 'bad self' as people veer away from him as if afraid of catching whatever moron disease he's caught. A low point for the movie, for the franchise as a whole and shockingly enough, not the only dancing scene in the film (one of three in fact - an inexplicable decision), but it was probably this scene which led to, as with Superman coming up, a reboot of the entire film franchise.
3. Superman Returns (2006) - Superman Has A Kid.
"Congratulations - it's a boy!" Normally these words would be greeted with joy - not so in this uneven (to say the least) film adaptation. Superman Returns was a good film, although not a great film by any stretch of the imagination, as it was sadly hampered down by scenes of Stalker Superman and the Kryptonite Mountain and Lex Luthor again (apologies to Kevin Spacey). However, the worst moment in a movie which was otherwise pretty enjoyable was the reveal that Superman had a kid. The fact that Superman had a child doesn't bother me so much as the reasons why it was done and how it was done. For example, Superman didn't have a child in the comic books and apparently was done in an attempt to make Superman more "relatable". In the famous I'm A Marvel...I'm a DC series on Youtube, the third installment covered this very well as Spider-Man asks "They thought the best way to make you relatable to younger audiences was to give you an illegitimate child?" Touche. It's a very valid point. Not only did they introduce an element not covered in the comic books, they did it in such a way that ensured that this would have to be rebooted and of course, now it is. Superman is one of the easiest characters to connect with in comic books, despite his alien origins and near limitless powers. Watch the video - it makes the point quicker than I ever could. This scene is so high up because it just shows exactly what happens when filmmakers stop trying to take what makes the character work and instead imprint their own vision onto the character, which results in failure - every...single....time.
2. Batman and Robin (1997) - The Entire Movie
The Batman movies, lock up the top two spots with ease. When it comes to Batman and Robin This is a film so bad, that it led to the entire franchise being given up. Most of the cast has never completely recovered. I'm pretty sure comic book adaptations in general have a restraining order against Joel Schumacher. Later, when I do my worst comic book movies of all time, this is almost guaranteed to be a lock for number one, although the whole early Batman franchise might just nab the top spot. In fact, I don't know why opponents of Arnold Schwarzenegger out in California didn't just show this movie to voters - I can't imagine him ever being elected. George Clooney actually apologized for it and so should everybody involved. I defy you to find a moment in the film where it doesn't suck. It can't be done. So, singling out one horrible moment was just impossible. There are just too many to choose from (Bat Ice Skates, The Bat Credit Card, every time Mr. Freeze opens his mouth, Uma Thurman's portrayal of Poison Ivy, Bane being reduced to an idiotic thug able to be beat up by Batgirl, Batgirl being Alfred's niece, Alfred's Macgregor's Syndrome storyline, to every single moment in the film). From the opening scenes to the final moments, it is one of the worst things you'll ever see on film - EVER.
Fun Fact: Rumor has it that the Ring, the movie where the video kills you within seven days of watching it, was based on this movie.
1. Batman (1992) - Alfred Brings Vicki Vale Into The Batcave
"A visitor for you, sir.."
Why in the world would you bring Vicki Vale into the batcave? Why?
What more needs to be said? Seriously. This is, without a doubt, the worst superhero movie moment in history. It will probably be the standard forever. Comic book movies are already too well known for not taking the secret identity seriously (but that is a blog for another day and soon.), as nearly all comic movies usually have the hero have some desperate need to reveal their secret identity and manage to do so throughout the film. This film, however, takes it to a new low as Alfred, Batman's trusted butler, brings Vicki Vale into the Batcave. Just writing the sentence makes me want to punch something or somebody. Alfred is completely trustworthy, has served Bruce Wayne/Batman for some time and in the comics, would never reveal the secret. In the movie, his true motivations will never be known. I don't know whether Alfred was drunk, wanted to raise some Wayne toddlers, angling for a pay raise or what was going on, but this was an epic fail on every level. This is the worst performance by a Butler ever (although Harry Osborn's butler certainly gave him a run for his money in Spiderman 3). Introducing some woman to the biggest secret of Bruce Wayne's life - a woman that he's had minimal contact with thus far and has spent most of the movie stalking Bruce Wayne - and a reporter no less, just is completely indefensible. You can't defend it. In a movie filled with horrible moments, this is definitely the worst. This should never have occurred. In fact, the Batman movies almost deserve a top five list of their own, but perhaps it's best if we are just thankful that Christopher Nolan came along and ensured that we can have Batman movies to be proud of once again.
In fact, thanks to a new generation of filmmakers, producers and other film talent who are taking comic book adaptations seriously, hopefully we will never see scenes like this again. That will be something worthy of celebration for sure and like any celebration, feel free to dance. Do the Batusi.
P.S. - Hopefully this further establishes the fact that dancing and superheroes should not go together. Superheroes shouldn't dance - not Batman, not Peter Parker, not Reed Richards - stop them from dancing. C'MON!!! Okay - I'm going to go calm down now. Until next time, stay classy.
Imagine being set on fire while somebody simultaneously punches you in the face and simultaneously douses you with acid while simultaneously shooting you in the knee caps and at the same time, has your significant other break up with you while your boss fires you while shoving you into a lake full of boiling lava filled with special lava-resistant piranha. Watching some of these scenes is, honestly, I think more painful.
Now, I've tried to focus on some of the more prominent adaptations of superheroes on the list, because it would be easy to mock Nick Fury, Steel, or Supergirl, but let's focus on some of the bigger names and modern adaptations in which they have just completely made me want to slam my hand into a car door or something similar just to give my body some other amount of pain to focus onto.
Note of course, that this is just a top five list. These are for me, my least favorite scenes in superhero movies. Many of these movies, I will either fast forward past this scene or probably am unable to watch the films any longer. I'm sure that after I write this list, I'll end up talking about the blog with somebody and realize that there are other far more deserving moments on the list, but after a lot of thought, I'm wondering whether this is a good idea after all. I mean, just thinking about some of these scenes have me so angry. Angry enough to turn into Hulk, which makes me think of Ang Lee's interpretation, which makes me think about Hulk poodles and his dad becoming Absorbing Man or the entire ending sequence or....deep breathes, Richard. Deep breathes. While I go find a stress ball or something, here for your consideration:
5. X-Men 3: The Last Stand (2006) Cyclops Killed Off Screen
To be perfectly candid, I almost didn't include this scene simply because it never happens actually. When Bryan Singer left the X-Men franchise to go direct Superman Returns after his admittedly fantastic work on the first two installments, he forever altered (read: killed) the directions of two promising franchises. By handling the reins of direction over to Brett Ratner (a man we both know can't finish a trilogy - Rush Hour 3 is one of the worst movies I've ever had the unfortunate "privilege" of watching and in theaters no less. I don't blame my brother though who dragged us to go see it - he couldn't have known. Nobody could've). The fact that Brett Ratner was given control of the franchise was a troubling sign to say the least. Producers were also upset at James Marden, the actor who played Cyclops, for signing on to play a role in Bryan Singer's superman. The whole scene plays out like revenge, but the real ones who suffered were the audience. A very popular character from the first two films, one of the original X-Men, the leader of the group and one of the main characters, is killed OFF-SCREEN. You read that right. He wasn't even given the dignity of an on-screen death, never mind the fact that his death in the film makes absolutely NO sense.
After Scott and Jean share a passionate, "last" moment together, Xavier apparently senses a great disturbance in the force and sends Logan & Ororo out to the lake. There, they find Jean Grey, Scott's glasses and no body to put them on. Logan doesn't mention this to anybody else apparently and instead, just confronts Jean about them later as she is apparently very stressed about it and the glasses disintegrate in Logan's hand in what I'm guessing is a not so subtle hint about what happened to Cyclops. Even worse, nobody seems to care. I certainly did, and one of the only reasons I continued with the film was to see whether it could redeem itself (it didn't) and whether Cyclops was somehow still alive. I even stayed after the credits to see whether they would reveal Cyclops being alive and if they had, I might've been able to forgive the rest of the film. However, Cyclops was never seen again in the X-Men film franchise and like Cyclops, the franchise died a sad, inglorious death. However, in a sign of eternal optimism and/or stupidity (I really thought that Cyclops would be back), I'm still hoping for X-Men 4....
4. Spiderman 3 (2007) - Emo Dancing.
The black symbiote is one of the most famous storylines in comic books as is the character Venom, but somehow, when it came to film, it translated into this scene of Peter Parker emo dancing on the streets of New York City. I don't exactly know what emo dancing is, but calling this emo dancing is probably an insult to the term. The symbiote is an alien lifeform, one which causes your inner desires and emotions to emerge in increasingly dangerous and hateful ways. I can only imagine that the film makers hated the audience and wanted to punish them in some way. Pay special attention (if you can make it through the clip) right near the end, at about :46 seconds as Peter gets down with his 'bad self' as people veer away from him as if afraid of catching whatever moron disease he's caught. A low point for the movie, for the franchise as a whole and shockingly enough, not the only dancing scene in the film (one of three in fact - an inexplicable decision), but it was probably this scene which led to, as with Superman coming up, a reboot of the entire film franchise.
3. Superman Returns (2006) - Superman Has A Kid.
"Congratulations - it's a boy!" Normally these words would be greeted with joy - not so in this uneven (to say the least) film adaptation. Superman Returns was a good film, although not a great film by any stretch of the imagination, as it was sadly hampered down by scenes of Stalker Superman and the Kryptonite Mountain and Lex Luthor again (apologies to Kevin Spacey). However, the worst moment in a movie which was otherwise pretty enjoyable was the reveal that Superman had a kid. The fact that Superman had a child doesn't bother me so much as the reasons why it was done and how it was done. For example, Superman didn't have a child in the comic books and apparently was done in an attempt to make Superman more "relatable". In the famous I'm A Marvel...I'm a DC series on Youtube, the third installment covered this very well as Spider-Man asks "They thought the best way to make you relatable to younger audiences was to give you an illegitimate child?" Touche. It's a very valid point. Not only did they introduce an element not covered in the comic books, they did it in such a way that ensured that this would have to be rebooted and of course, now it is. Superman is one of the easiest characters to connect with in comic books, despite his alien origins and near limitless powers. Watch the video - it makes the point quicker than I ever could. This scene is so high up because it just shows exactly what happens when filmmakers stop trying to take what makes the character work and instead imprint their own vision onto the character, which results in failure - every...single....time.
2. Batman and Robin (1997) - The Entire Movie
The Batman movies, lock up the top two spots with ease. When it comes to Batman and Robin This is a film so bad, that it led to the entire franchise being given up. Most of the cast has never completely recovered. I'm pretty sure comic book adaptations in general have a restraining order against Joel Schumacher. Later, when I do my worst comic book movies of all time, this is almost guaranteed to be a lock for number one, although the whole early Batman franchise might just nab the top spot. In fact, I don't know why opponents of Arnold Schwarzenegger out in California didn't just show this movie to voters - I can't imagine him ever being elected. George Clooney actually apologized for it and so should everybody involved. I defy you to find a moment in the film where it doesn't suck. It can't be done. So, singling out one horrible moment was just impossible. There are just too many to choose from (Bat Ice Skates, The Bat Credit Card, every time Mr. Freeze opens his mouth, Uma Thurman's portrayal of Poison Ivy, Bane being reduced to an idiotic thug able to be beat up by Batgirl, Batgirl being Alfred's niece, Alfred's Macgregor's Syndrome storyline, to every single moment in the film). From the opening scenes to the final moments, it is one of the worst things you'll ever see on film - EVER.
Fun Fact: Rumor has it that the Ring, the movie where the video kills you within seven days of watching it, was based on this movie.
1. Batman (1992) - Alfred Brings Vicki Vale Into The Batcave
"A visitor for you, sir.."
Why in the world would you bring Vicki Vale into the batcave? Why?
What more needs to be said? Seriously. This is, without a doubt, the worst superhero movie moment in history. It will probably be the standard forever. Comic book movies are already too well known for not taking the secret identity seriously (but that is a blog for another day and soon.), as nearly all comic movies usually have the hero have some desperate need to reveal their secret identity and manage to do so throughout the film. This film, however, takes it to a new low as Alfred, Batman's trusted butler, brings Vicki Vale into the Batcave. Just writing the sentence makes me want to punch something or somebody. Alfred is completely trustworthy, has served Bruce Wayne/Batman for some time and in the comics, would never reveal the secret. In the movie, his true motivations will never be known. I don't know whether Alfred was drunk, wanted to raise some Wayne toddlers, angling for a pay raise or what was going on, but this was an epic fail on every level. This is the worst performance by a Butler ever (although Harry Osborn's butler certainly gave him a run for his money in Spiderman 3). Introducing some woman to the biggest secret of Bruce Wayne's life - a woman that he's had minimal contact with thus far and has spent most of the movie stalking Bruce Wayne - and a reporter no less, just is completely indefensible. You can't defend it. In a movie filled with horrible moments, this is definitely the worst. This should never have occurred. In fact, the Batman movies almost deserve a top five list of their own, but perhaps it's best if we are just thankful that Christopher Nolan came along and ensured that we can have Batman movies to be proud of once again.
In fact, thanks to a new generation of filmmakers, producers and other film talent who are taking comic book adaptations seriously, hopefully we will never see scenes like this again. That will be something worthy of celebration for sure and like any celebration, feel free to dance. Do the Batusi.
P.S. - Hopefully this further establishes the fact that dancing and superheroes should not go together. Superheroes shouldn't dance - not Batman, not Peter Parker, not Reed Richards - stop them from dancing. C'MON!!! Okay - I'm going to go calm down now. Until next time, stay classy.
1 comments:
Richard,
Fun read - I'm not sure I agree with your list but I enjoyed your passionate take.
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